02/10/2003 -- It's 6:30 AM and I think I'm in real labor... we shall see... maybe I can avoid that induction tomorrow afterall!

02/06/2003 -- Yeah, you read that right.  LOL!  I'm STILL pregnant.  How is this possible?  I have no idea; my doctor even said by all rights I should have given birth... I'm just a slow lady, what can I tell ya ;)  So, I'm officially 1 day overdue ;)

My mom and sister got here okay and really helped out A LOT.  I needed it badly, both the help and the time with them.  I got to meet my 11 week old nephew (who is a complete DOLL) and got to see my 3 year old niece (who is such a sweet kid, but she's SUCH a 3 year old... LOL!  She and Jamie had quite a few little tiffs, but nothing horrible).  We got all the baby clothes washed, my bags packed, the house straightened up... it was fabulous.  The had to leave yesterday - my brother-in-law's grandmother had a heart attack, my 15 year old sister (who had to stay home) called and she has that nasty flu that is going around, my mom had to get back to work, just a whole lot of stuff going on, so they had to head back home; they mainly came here to help out and spend time with me before the baby came, but were hoping they could meet her, but stuff happens.  I ended up overdoing the first week they were here and the swelling in my hands and feet got BAD.  I went into the doctor who told me to take it easy, not like bed rest, but no more long trips to the store and walking around a lot.  I managed to gain **5** pounds in TWO days.  Yeowch.  All water retention.  That was on a Thursday.  This past Tuesday, I had LOST **8** pounds, all of it water... hahahaha!  My fingers are still swollen.  It's hard to type sometimes, but it's not nearly as bad as it was.  With my blood pressure readings going up and down, I'm showing signs of early toxemia/pre-eclampsia.  Not happy about that, but we aren't freaking out yet, it's not bad, just a few small things.

My appointment on the 4th (Tuesday) went okay.  I'm 3-4 cm dilated, 50% effaced, my cervix turned around and she said that it's the perfect cervix and I should (HOPEFULLY) go into labor in the following 2 days.  Umm... nope, still here... hahahaha!  This child likes it inside, I'm afraid.  I have a NST (non-stress test; not a big deal at all, in fact I had several of them with Jamie, but my OB was such a freak about stuff like that last time) Thursday.  She wants to induce Tuesday the 11th, but we are holding out hope the baby will decide to come before then.  I'm terrified of being induced again.  REALLY scared.  I'm trying to keep myself reminded that this time WILL be different, I have made better choices and my body is much more ready than it was when I went in to be induced with Jamie.  The way she was talking, she would just break my water and see what happens.  That kind of freaked me out because I remember when they broke it with Jamie, all hell broke loose, but Tom also reminded me that I had been on heavy pitocin for a few hours before too.  After reading more and talking to people, it might be better to break it and see rather than have the pitocin (I hadn't thought about it, but you have to be constantly monitored if you have pitocin and I hated all those wires and straps and stuff hooked up to me... it drove me batty).

The baby's been teasing me the past few weeks with braxton-hicks contractions and some real, harsh contractions too.  Tonight she has given me a break, but the previous two nights were yucky, I was up for 4 hours Monday night with moderate contractions every 15 minutes and 2 hours Tuesday night with mild ones every 10 minutes.  I've gotten so used to them, I ignore them pretty much, but they are still distracting and irritating.  Why she waits until 2am to bug me is beyond me, but ugh!

I got GREAT news that I do have a maternity leave through my work!  I get 3 weeks of full paid disability and 3 additional weeks of 60% paid disability!  I'm SO happy about that, actually.  It was going to be hard to have to go back after only two weeks.  Yay!  This will give me time to get breastfeeding established and time to get the kids into a routine a little more.

So, here's hoping I go into labor on my own before Tuesday.  I really don't want another induction, but I also know I have to do what is right for my health and the health of this baby.

01/22/2003 -- I got the BEST news today!  My mom and sister have decided kind of on the spur of the moment to come for the baby!  They are driving down Saturday and should be here Sunday!  I'm SO excited!  I could really use some of my family around right now.  I love my in-laws, but sometimes you just want your Mommy, you know?  And I've been REALLY wanting my Mommy lately. So the pressure is on to perform here now!  LOL!  They will be here about 2 or 3 weeks so everyone start the "get out of there baby" chant now!

They are fabulous!  They have told me not to do a single thing to get ready for them (well, except get a bed ready for Ginger to crash in... she's driving 23 hours!).  I'm not even supposed to go grocery shopping (LOL).  Sounds like bliss to me!  I could use some down time and some help and it's ALWAYS fabulous to see my family.  I miss them so much.

AND I got an email from a friend of mine tonight.  She's taking me out to lunch this weekend!  Yay!  I REALLY need some adult time right now (sorry, Tom, you don't count right now).  I can't wait! Finally some GOOD news going on around here!  :)

I also started a new baby name poll... no, we still don't have a name...  http://www.babycenter.com/babypoll/5rE6

Jamie is SO cute right now.  He kisses my belly repeatedly and says "soft" (we try to get him to say gentle, but from petting dogs "softly" he thinks it means gentle... LOL).  He's obsessed with hugging and kissing my belly right now... it's so funny!  He tells me "baby sister in there".  Does he REALLY understand?  I doubt it, but it's cute anyway!

01/21/2003 -- 38 week appt. today.  I didn't post last week, nothing really to report except I'm GBS Negative (yay!!).  Nothing to report again this week really... except things are starting to happen more and more.  I'm a loose one cm, she said she could probably stretch it to 2, but she knows I don't want to (I still have SO much work to do, I want this baby to stay at least another week).  Effaced about 25 or 50%.  She did say that she thought this little girl might come sooner than later, especially being a 2nd baby and the fact that I didn't have this much going on with Jamie.  She's still very high, but most 2nd babies never drop until labor/delivery.

That's it.  I go back in a week.  She said at that point she would sweep my membranes if I want.  I can't decide if I want that or not.  Most of me screams NO, but there's that nagging part of me that really doesn't want to go too overdue with this kid.  Plus Tom and I's 10th anniversary is March 3, so I'd rather have this kid sooner than later.  Just one more week though, PLEASE!!

01/09/2003 -- I had my 36 week appt. on the 7th.  Can I say I LOVE my doctor? She is awesome! I'm telling you, it's like night and day from my other OB. She's so calm and nothing is some big deal and she talks WITH me not AT me. It's so wonderful!

Anyway, I lost 2 pounds, my bp was 120/90 there (I took my log and she laughed, she knows about me and my white coat syndrome) so she said that right now she sees NO reason to worry about induction as I'm not showing ANY signs of toxemia.

I'm measuring big (I told you I look like a cow), she did the GBS screen and checked me while I was there. I'm a fingertip dilated and thick, so nodda going on, which is fine with me. I told her I was worried the baby wasn't head down (been feeling movement EVERYWHERE), so she said from feeling she was 95% she was, but we did a quick ultrasound and the head is down... I also asked her to check if she was still a she and she's a girl, she's more than sure... LOL! She has 3 boys, so she should know ;) She said size-wise the baby looks fine, so I'm just a cow, basically ;) -- no she didn't say that... the reason I am so big is because she's still very high... free floating. She couldn't believe the baby's not in my ribs. She was looking around in there and commented how long my torso is. She also told me that even if the baby is 9 pounds, she doesn't see a problem with delivery, I have a very wide pelvis... umm... thanks. :)

Tom was there so he got to see the ultrasound and stuff. Anyway, it was a really good appointment and I talked to her about NOT wanting an induction again and about the whole episotomy episode last time.

So, I feel MUCH better about everything. I even woke up that morning with the horrid pelvic pressure I've had GONE, it's back now, but not NEAR as bad. I still don't wanna, but I know I don't really have a choice... LOL!

01/04/2003 --  A new year is here and that means just a month to go.  Gosh, this has gone by REALLY fast.  Jamie is obsessed with reading the "big brother" book that talks about what it's like in a house when a new baby comes.  I still don't think he "gets it" yet.  I think he'll be okay for the first few days until he realizes that this baby isn't just visiting ;)

I did end up going with the DOULA.  Tom isn't completely sold on the idea, but like I told him... he is my husband and I need him there to support me and be there for me... he was SO good at it last time, I honestly don't know what I would've done without him.  BUT I also need someone there that can talk to me openly and straight-forward.  Not something he's very good at, he's really too nice is what it boils down to... not able to tell me to get it together... LOL!  I just need someone there to remind me that I have CHOICES and not to just go along with whatever is on the table at the moment, but at the same time be willing to say "hey, you need to do this, stop being so stubborn"

I've been having extreme pelvic pressure the past 2 days.  I think before this month is over I'm going to go crazy if it doesn't ease up.  Feels like if I cough too hard, this kid is going to come flying out (yeah, I wish).  I'm completely terrified of birth this time.  I simply don't want to do it.  I know that sounds insane.  It IS insane, I mean, she HAS to come out of there, right?  I'm making what I hope are better choices this time around... a doctor that is less medical than my last, a hospital that is smaller and seems to be more in tuned with what I want out of my birth, a doula to help me see it through.  I just hope Tom is ready for this (and his mom!)... he says he is, but after last time I wonder, it was hard on him seeing me in labor and everything that went on around us.  I felt so out of it, like I wasn't in control of anything.  I don't know how women did it in the 60s and 70s.  I honestly felt like I wasn't even a real participant, the doctors and nurses were doing all the work and I was just in the way!  LOL!

Anyway, so I'm obsessing about labor and delivery and worried about so many things.  I've instructed Tom that if he sees anyone come near me with those scissors this time he is to make SURE (no matter WHAT they say) that someone is down there with some local needles numbing first.  I think that was probably the ONE thing that sticks in my mind more than anything... that episotomy was awful.  I know there was no real way for anyone to know the epidural wasn't working, but it was just awful.  I'm hoping to avoid it all together this time, I don't think I can handle it without freaking out.  I hate needles, but that was the worst experience.  I have a birth plan, this time a shorter one that I hope is more realistic than my last.

Other than that, I'm working working working working.  I've not really had much time to just enjoy this pregnancy.  It seems I've stayed so busy with everything going on.  Anyway, I have my GBS test on the 7th along with an exam if I choose.  I'll try to update again soon.

12/04/2002 -- Can I just say that this child is STRONG?  She's going to be a soccer player.  It's 7am and I'm sitting here after getting less than 6 hours of sleep.  She would NOT settle down last night.  Practice for those newborn nights, huh?

I may have found a DOULA... she's actually a doula in training (therefore no cost, which right now, thank goodness for!).  I'm meeting with her Tuesday to talk to her more and see if we get "click"... I hope so!  I'd really like someone there like that.  The funny part is that she's worked with my doctor before (she's only done one or two births so far!).  She said my doctor was GREAT as far as the delivery goes, so that makes me feel TONS better.  But I still go back and forth between WANTING to give birth and get this kid out of me to being terrified of the mere idea of having to do it again.  WHAT was I thinking?

No, we still don't have a name... stop asking... hahahaha...

11/27/2002 -- Wow, it's been a while since I updated here.  So much is going on right now.  The pregnancy is going okay.  We've been so busy between work commitments and everything else that it seems there truly are not enough hours in the day.  I am 30 weeks now.  I can't believe I'm that far along already!  THIRTY weeks.  3/4 of the way baked!  I had the 1 hour glucose test, failed it, but passed the 3 hour, after the lab tech missed my veins a dozen times.  NOT fun.  She ended up taking blood out of the backs of my HANDS, so I have some nice bruises going on.

The baby is doing fine.  We STILL don't have a name picked out for her.  I'm starting to think she'll be named sometime AFTER she is born the way this is shaping up!  Tom and I just are never together to talk about it!  Plus we have totally different ideas of names.

I did manage to register at Babies R Us.  I was amazed that I really don't need much for this baby, I still have most of it from Jamie and it's in good shape.  My sister and friends are giving me some of their girl clothing, so I'm okay there.  It was nice to go in there, go by an aisle and say "nope, don't need any of that!".... hahahahaha!

Anyway, just quickly checking in... nothing new to really report around here right now.